The Fourth One, I am tired

As you all know I’m ”battling” being bipolar and having anxiety and all that. I’m also having problems with insomnia, for which I should be going to a sleep-specialist. They asked me to take two months off work for me to work through this problem, so that I maybe would get to a point where I could sleep without having to take tons of medication. I got the two months off, no pay, but still. First, I should have gotten an appointment with what we call a sleep-nurse that should have made me a schedule, which I would follow, and hopefully get better. Now, two months later, my leave is nearing its end and I still haven’t gotten that appointment.

First it took me over a month to get an appointment, which is fine, sometimes it just takes time due to the specialty units in the hospitals being overwhelmed. After that my appointment got moved, for reasons I don’t know, to a day when I’m out of the country. Naturally I called and asked if I could talk to someone and get it moved to a day when I’m in the country. Still waiting for that callback. I called again today and they had no information that I previously called, but promised to leave a message to the person I’m supposed to see, so that she can get back to me.

The problem is, I’m getting more tired by the day. I should be getting up at 8 AM in the morning and stay up. No naps during the day and go to sleep the same time every night. Simply put, I should follow a strict routine, every day of the week, even weekends. The way things are going right now I’m nowhere close to that. I wake up several hours before my alarm bell. Then, after my wife has gone to work, I fall asleep again and wake up at about 12. I usually don’t take naps, I usually go to bed at the same time, but it takes me several hours to fall asleep and I wake up 10-20 times every night (we measured this for two weeks at one point and I really do wake up 10-20 times per night). No wonder they have diagnosed me with a severe sleeping disorder.

Now I don’t really know what to do. I don’t sleep. I haven’t gotten my sleep-schedule, so I don’t even know how I should sleep and/or if there’s something else I should be doing or should avoid doing while trying to get my sleeping-schedule right. I’m getting more tired and still I’m only at home, basically doing nothing. We made a list a few weeks ago, with things that make me feel better when I’m feeling down. Even those doesn’t work at the moment. Hopefully I will get that call soon, so that I have some direction on what to follow.

Thank you for reading!

  • Bob

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